Today is the 18 month anniversary of my husband’s death. In some ways, it has gone very quickly. At other times, the days have literally dragged on and on. I have faced many challenges, others I have run away from. I share with you - not as someone who has all of the answers – but as an ordinary person, just like you, who has decided to take on one challenge at a time and be victorious.
My experience is not unique. I am certainly not the only woman who has ever lost her husband and I won’t be the last. But that is the point, I believe sharing my journey can help those whose challenges like this are yet to come.
About a year ago, through a set of circumstances that I have discussed here , I made a decision to move from the city back to a house that my husband, kids and I lived in for more than a decade. We had put the house on the market before moving to the city, but were never able to sell it as the housing market took its little nosedive downward.
I’ve been back for a year now and am facing some dragons that I’m going to slay!
DRAGON: I have been working on refurbishing my house after being damaged by former tenants. The work has not gone as smoothly as planned (does it ever!) AND has cost far more than was first projected (of course!) AND is not even close to being finished. There are more houses for sale in this area than you can shake a stick at and I’m afraid that even if I sink a lot more money into the house, I won’t be able to sell it when I’m finished.
DRAGON RELATIVES: 1) Slow unreliable internet connection capabilities with no other options available 2) Poor cell phone reception 3) 4 acres to mow 4) preference for city life
Yep, lots of dragons to slay! So I’ve spent some time doing some soul searching. I’ve been reflecting on some advice I was given a few months back – that my life is now a blank sheet of paper, and it is MY choice how I fill that sheet. It turns out that I really wasn’t doing what I wanted to do – I wasn’t filling my own sheet.
ACTION PLAN:
Declutter my home and prepare to move as quickly as I possibly can.
Analyze and determine where I want to live.
Identify and contact companies that purchase “ugly” homes for bids.
PROGRESS:
8 boxes of stuff – gone! Most of the boxes contained items from my late husband. It has been a very emotional week – remembering, grieving, and letting go. I was reminded that I’ll always have the memories, nothing can take those away. I don’t really need all of the stuff. One or two things will be sufficient. Today, as I dropped off a huge load at Goodwill, there was an immense feeling of peace and a sense of a burden being lifted from my shoulders.
Some potential cities have been identified. I’m compiling a list of things I am looking for and will move forward on making a decision on that soon.
I have contacted someone knowledgeable about the whole “ugly”’ home business. I have obtained an estimate of what price I should be able to get for my home. Next step is to identify companies that will purchase homes in my area.
Not all of my dragons are listed here. There’s no need to bore you with all of the gory details. But I’m applying similar strategies for all of those dragons and you know what? They no longer seem so big and huge.
I wanted to leave you with one last thought – something that I have been reminded of throughout this process and that is . . . that life is sometimes hard, sometimes it isn’t fair, but in our darkest hour, there is always hope.
Deborah (Debbie) Stevens is an MBA, CPA, Money Maven who offers down to earth accounting, tax and consulting services, is a health and fitness coach, and jewelry designer and re-engineerer. With more than 10 years in public accounting and 6 years in private industry, her boundless energy and talents are now focused on making small businesses successful by analyzing the problems, discussing the issues, and crafting the appropriate solutions. Her strong, personal integrity, hard work, sheer determination coupled with a deep fun-loving view of life are what makes her tick. After having lost 116 lbs in 15 months, she has recently added weight loss and fitness coaching into the business mix. She is passionate about everything she does with a deep desire to help people. She is personable, down to earth, and ready to roll up her sleeves and get started on your business solutions. 
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Debbie,
Thanks so much for this vulnerable and open-hearted share. It’s great modeling for us all, to not fall into the victim role. While we can feel our feelings and mourn our losses, the rest of the world doesn’t stop just for us and we still have to take care of business. Yesterday was the 18th anniversary of my stepdaughter’s death at age 11, so I can certainly relate. And, we still have to “clean up our messes”.
Thanks again,
Adam
Hi Adam,
I know that you still feel the loss of your stepdaughter even though it’s been 18 years. So I can appreciate what you have to say. I’m definitely working on cleaning up my “mess.” Hopefully others can learn from thee clean up.
Deb…I love it. You have gone through so much growth and I love you sharing your story. Keep it up and I pray the richest of blessings for you!
Hi Bruce,
I really appreciate your prayers and support. Please accept my heartfelt thanks.
I am sure others who have recently found themselves in this situation will find information as well as comfort in your story. Losing some one who has shared a major part of your life is very difficult no matter how much time has past.
Hi Brenda,
It has been and continues to be difficult, I’m not going to lie about that. But I am adjusting and as the saying goes, “Time heals all wounds.”
Debbie, What a beautiful and heartfelt post. I liked one of the last things you said, “I’m applying similar strategies for all of those dragons and you know what? They no longer seem so big and huge.”
What I have discovered is that these huge life goals and tasks, that are monumental as a whole, can seem so much less daunting when taken one small piece at a time. Exactly what you are doing, you are handling one piece at a time – and then you are saying “Next…bring it on…I can handle it” And you can!
Also, by sharing it with all of us we can provide some support along the way, in comments, on the phone, on skype. Just ask and ye shall receive.
Warmly, Erica
Hi Erica,
I really appreciate and respect your thoughts on this. Your offer for support means so much. Thank you.
You know, Debbie, not much makes me cry, but this did. What a beautifully written and heartfelt piece! I applaud you for your courage. To be so strong in the face of such a loss shows true character. I hope you find a lovely place to rebuild your life. My very best wishes to you and your family.
Thanks so much Maura for your kind words. I cherish your best wishes and thoughts.
Debbie~
Don’t you love this online experience! I see your story and am impressed! We all have something~ and you’re truly slaying your dragons! It will be fun to follow each other! I’m going to link to your blog, will you link to mine? Then we can both increase our SEO rankings!
Debbie
I went back a month or two on your blog and found this great post. I’ve have found over the last couple of years that letting go of “things” is a great healer. I’ve moved twice in about 2 1/2 years, which helped me let go of a lot of “things”.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Chester